tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4879615387850345622.post3368982564337493593..comments2023-07-17T23:10:02.228+10:00Comments on Discombobula: ChangeSuehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01122659239039900398noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4879615387850345622.post-71266318201361050852012-12-19T12:33:00.315+11:002012-12-19T12:33:00.315+11:00"Sometimes we find ourselves down the rutted ..."Sometimes we find ourselves down the rutted roads not out of self-punishment but simply because we've driven down them so many times that it has become second nature."<br /><br />A truer truth than many truths I've heard.Skeptic Spiritualityhttp://skepticspirituality.wordpress.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4879615387850345622.post-76269078064793403092012-06-22T07:36:04.015+10:002012-06-22T07:36:04.015+10:00I know being the oldest child has made me take on ...I know being the oldest child has made me take on more responsibility rescuing others than I should (as a personality). It's permeated my entire life.<br /><br /><br />That "Work" thing looks interesting...I'm going to check it out.ErinWordnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4879615387850345622.post-10235220697578165932012-06-22T03:44:50.948+10:002012-06-22T03:44:50.948+10:00"Sometimes we find ourselves down the rutted ..."Sometimes we find ourselves down the rutted roads not out of self-punishment but simply because we've driven down them so many times that it has become second nature."<br /><br />A truer truth than many truths I've heard.Skeptic Spiritualityhttp://skepticspirituality.wordpress.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4879615387850345622.post-80825160878207615702012-06-21T17:05:56.891+10:002012-06-21T17:05:56.891+10:00Do you think that that lies at the core of it - th...Do you think that that lies at the core of it - that everything is your fault? I feel like that too ... or have learned that. I feel one of the lies I have believed is that I am unlovable, and so I think that I have to earn it, maybe. I'm not sure. My mother is very passive, so I have learned that directly from her, too. <br /><br />It's crazy feeling like that too because if we were REALLY compassionate about other people we would let them fail because that's where the light's gonna get in, as Leonard Cohen likes to remind us. <br /><br />I would imagine that being a mother ingrains that desire to rescue, too. Because society rewards mothers so much, it must be hard to let that go.<br /><br />I totally undersatnd that trying hard not to apologise thing. Sheesh. <br /><br />I guess learning these things took long time to ingrain, so it will take a while to ... ungrain.<br /><br />I've been doing a bit of Byron Katie's "work" today (www.thework.com). Simple and interesting exercise ... and I am feeling very peaceful now! :)Susieq777http://discombobula.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4879615387850345622.post-37888211580692817982012-06-21T16:33:56.117+10:002012-06-21T16:33:56.117+10:00I've been studying "professional boundari...I've been studying "professional boundaries" and have been trying to apply it in real life, too...and it's SO hard for me to set limits and to let people own their own stuff, instead of trying to rescue them from whatever they are feeling. It really is an exercise in self-compassion, and knowing that not everything is my fault nor my responsibility. What's hardest is when someone TELLS me it's my fault or my responsibility, even if it's not, and then insists that I fix the way they feel. I HATE that. It's so hard not to apologize for whatever I didn't do to contribute to the problem, but they think I did. ErinWordnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4879615387850345622.post-85147451972988948552012-06-21T16:32:42.085+10:002012-06-21T16:32:42.085+10:00 That's a beautiful thought, Harry. Thanks :)... That's a beautiful thought, Harry. Thanks :)Susieq777http://discombobula.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4879615387850345622.post-85316689767075694242012-06-21T16:29:48.743+10:002012-06-21T16:29:48.743+10:00Superb. I think you sum it all up at the end - kee...Superb. I think you sum it all up at the end - keep open to surprises. And know that the essence of who you are can never be harmed as you lay down new, conscious paths.Harry Rileynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4879615387850345622.post-33962649695577241112012-06-21T16:23:45.217+10:002012-06-21T16:23:45.217+10:00Thanks, Erin. It's pretty cool that you recog...Thanks, Erin. It's pretty cool that you recognise WHY it's something that you're struggling with - because it's a form of compassion. I think those things are more difficult to untangle because you feel guilty about untangling them, and then you get all of those "what a selfish person I am" and all of that sort of stuff. I understand this too. Feeling that other people are upset with me is something I am really struggling to get past, but it's kinda necessary if we're gonna be free, ain't it. And yeah, trying to please everybody - it's like you know it's not doable, but it still feels like it should be!Susieq777http://discombobula.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4879615387850345622.post-63768644497785047962012-06-21T14:58:35.487+10:002012-06-21T14:58:35.487+10:00What a beautiful, and apt, description of the sche...What a beautiful, and apt, description of the schemes we all have. Those places in us that are so deeply ingrained that we interpret everything we experience through them, even if we aren't interpreting accurately. The "ruts in our mind", as you say, that direct our self-perception.<br /><br /><br />I'm struggling with a place like this right now...the one that says it's not ok to make someone unhappy, even if the reason for the unhappiness is their own. And then wanting to inconvenience myself to fix it for them, even if it's not my thing and has nothing to do with me. It's a form of compassion, I know, but it can be debilitating. And then, being in a situation where someone is going to be unhappy...either this person or that person, no matter what I do....it's so hard to choose how to handle it. ErinWordnoreply@blogger.com