The Yin and the Yang

I really do understand why it is we project our own hurts out onto the world.  As we think the world is, so it is, and while we may be thinking that we see the world objectively, is there ever really any such thing?  And does there need to be?

I have been roping in my projections over the past several years.  My problems lie, unfortunately, with males.  I don't want to and can't bring myself to speak in such a public place about my family's history, but suffice to say that the males are alpha and the females have most certainly learnt to be omega.

Perhaps that's why I read this post and tears ran down my face.  I cannot always readily recognise what I carry around within myself.  It is easier to see it when I project it out onto the world around me.  My partner is the one who most obviously receives the brunt of my projections.  I talk to him about these projections.  It is rather a delight to do once you get past the intense discomfort and outright embrassment and foolishness you feel, disclosing to someone else the sad state of your innards, disclosing the embarrassment of not being able to get past The Cast of Thousands enough to dispel some of them.

Perhaps the dispelling comes not in stopping of the ongoing projection, but in the refusal to let it stay there.  To speak of such projections to the person you are projecting them onto, who listens patiently and lets it be there, just lets it be, is perhaps the best way of all to dispel those projections.  It is certainly not the fastest way, however.

I have learnt to fear and mistrust male energy.  Like that post, male energy can be used for good or for ill.  I have taken on the ill effects, drunk them down, and archetyped them out into giant Goodyear blimps that have blocked the sun.

I wish to know what that male energy is in its pure form.  It is, after all, a part of myself.  It has laid hidden underneath the negative energy I have carried around for 30 years and more, which distorts, stops, hampers, criticises, abuses.  Which demeans the female energies, makes them cower, drains their light.

If my dreams are anything to go by, it does not need to be like this.  How to get somewhere better is another story.  An ongoing one.  A life's journey.  To do it with self-compassion is the far better way.  Helps you keep your heart open.  As within, so without.