You tell yourself a lime green thought

Saturday, 14 February 2009

But firstly, the centre is colourless. Uncolour. A pinprick and a well. You swim in it and push on it until either something must give or you must get rid of all your mirrors so you're not reminded how ugly you feel. This uncolour clouds everything so you feel like it is pointless to get your hair cut, or to look in the eyes of another.

The next layer out is lime green and as you shower in your shame and cleansing you tell yourself a lime green thought of truth. Your words to yourself have so much power that they jolt you. You wonder about that.

You have never been so aware before of the life and death wells at the same time. The stakes feel higher somehow. There is a creative idea, a thing, that is asking you to follow it down. Do you have the courage to follow it down? You remind yourself that you don't much mind if it goes out to a gentle red thread that miscarries itself out into the air. You don't think it's the end result so much as it is the following through and seeing something come out of you that is the thing here. It scares you, this potential to birth something.

You tell yourself a lime green thought about the uncolour. It is a paradox to think that once you step onto the lime green turf that you would do anything but run away from looking back, but it is from here that you can see its truth. Not so much what it is saying to you about yourself but why it is saying it. This is the diving board, and you jump and it is yellow for a second or two.

You tell yourself lime green thoughts that face away from the uncolour and it feels the way it would if you were in a large room of white tiles with the reflections from water bouncing off the walls, creating further colour, further light.

The dope plant has begun budding. It is a symbol to you of the path you could take, the easier path of death. You would have many lime green thoughts here, it is true. But you know you cannot do this right now, not in this time, maybe not ever, but certainly once or twice before never occurs and you give the buds away to some fortunate friend. If you stayed in this place for very long, it would tie one of your toes to the bedpost. What you need is to be on your hands and knees, grunting, sweating, birthing, saying, "I can't do this."

You think that you will follow the lime green thoughts for no other reason than that they bubble whiteness into you and you are bored flatlining with grey matte finishes.


  1. paint the town lime green
    big canvas art
    with huge brush strokes
    no - entire paint tins
    thrown with glee

    go green

  2. Hey Cole, Happy Valentine's Day to you, too :)

    Hey, Kel. That sounds like a good good plan :)


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