Wednesday 29 April 2009

I am so dissatisfied with things as they stand. There is this restlessness in my soul and I'm not even sure what it is about. All I can do is make space for it and check in every now and then and see if I have discovered what it is all about. And in the meantime do the small little things. Sometimes I think making space is half the battle.

And the small things are good, you know? I think as you get older you gain an appreciation for small things.

Sometimes I think the creator stirs up our pots. All the things that sit there on a day-to-day basis that we are not particularly happy with but it's just life, all of those myriad things that challenge, all of those things that we really want to do but we have gone so long not doing them that we almost forget they are there. And then all of a sudden you feel this flurry in your soul and you are dissatisfied all over again with the status quo.

I hope I am preparing to meet new challenges. I need a few life-giving situations in my life. It doesn't take much for the enthusiasm to bubble up inside of me. But then sometimes, in this dreary greyness called Western civilisation, where there are more unbelievably fearful and uncreative people per square inch than could be thought possible in the "free" world, the enthusiasm just gets pummelled out of you from walking down the street, catching the train, going to work.

There is far too much fluorescent light in my life and not enough candlelight. I want to live. I want to taste and touch and feel and hear, and I want to do it with people who are not afraid to taste and touch and feel and hear.

I am waiting for the next infilling of enthusiasm, the filling of God. Without it, nothing makes sense, and I consume cheap plastic shit made in China and wonder what the fuck the point is of everything.

I think I want to move to India.


  1. A little gift for you friend. I know you have seen it before but one thing I have learned to do over the past few years is continuously go back to things that remind me of what's important which in and of itself keeps me aware of the western world's covert curriculum so maybe I have a better chance of streering clear of it's daily onslaught.

  2. Kent, that is a smart thing, the return again to things that have fed you the time before :) Thank you for this gift :) "An economy divorced from pleasure" - goodness me, yes! :)

  3. I tend to think sometimes...well if you stand near a freeway (expressway, I don't know what you call them down there, but where cars go really fast) and can hear each car approach and then it whizzes by and you can feel it's wind and then you hear it fade away.

    Sometimes I think enthusiasm is like that. We see and hear and feel it coming...then it comes and it's fleeting but windy and loud and it attacks our senses, then it fades away into silence. Then the next one comes.

    Something like that.


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