Stupid question

Tuesday, 19 May 2009

The woman who bore me from her womb called me the other day and asked me a no-brainer question: did I want to fly over to Adelaide to watch our football team in a couple of weeks' time?

Well, considering she's payin', I ask in return, do large hairy animals excrete in treed environments?

Wheee. I'll take a four day weekend, lots-of-expenses-paid, anywhere. Even Adelaide :) Hell, I'd take it if it was in St Albans :)

Hmmm, funny, I've been thinking a lot lately about getting away, and then suddenly Mum rings me up out of nowhere. Maybe there is something to this Secret thing after all, har.

So. Just in case the universe is a giant shopping centre, sitting there just waiting for me to say the word so it can vomit its gifts forth, I'll throw these out on the wind then:

  • a holiday that stretches north instead of east and longer than four days, nice as that is (I wanna hit the Northern Territory).
  • a bloke (I feel sorta vaguely ready to get back out there again now, as terrifying as that is. But not till after Winter :) Winter is for me).
  • a new job would be nice but I'm grateful for the one I've got.
  • greater writing depths.

I would certainly like those things above, and I am open to them. But having said that, I'm pretty content, when it comes down to it (with a few exceptions here and there but you know, who hasn't got any of those?) My immune system is getting stronger. I am enjoying living this life with God in it, the mystical relationship with the divine that feels like a fountain sometimes, the opportunity to explore outwards and inwards. The gifts that appear, in the most mundane of things, when I am not too stressed to see and feel (my seedlings are sprouting). And the greater writing depths is mine for the plumbing. Just gotta open up the arteries a bit more. Which is what I am doing. Slowly.

I am so lucky, living where I do, in this rich, rich country. Had a kick-arse art therapy session yesterday that has left me breathless with the creative ways my subconscious will vomit up things when I'm willing and ready to see. Don't really want to talk about it all at this stage - it's for my eyes only at the moment - but it really does amaze me how deep and wide we go, we humans. The depth and complexity of our workings. The ways we develop to protect ourselves, to protect that little child within, you know? Awesome.

I have done so much work, and I can feel that I am getting ready to discard old outworn things that don't serve me anymore. It's scary and exciting all at the same time, all the more because the these things are so mysterious in their unfolding. These hidden parts of myself feel simultaneously unknown and always-known as I go on and discover more.

There is a part of me, seated in the heavenlies, that knows exactly what it is doing. At the very same time it feels like the conscious steps are taken with a touch of trepidation, into the unknown, only to have the deeper parts of myself step up to welcome me when I set down my foot. It's all very strange and mysterious and exciting and difficult to explain.

But that's all for another post :)


  1. Have fun in Adelaide :) I am going to make my wish list for the universe, I'll let you know what happens.

    Your writing is already very deep, if it gets too much deeper I might need an interpreter.

  2. LOL. Thanks, Barbara! Yeah, I think in terms of being too deep, I won't go any further or else I will need an interpreter myself :) Would like to go deeper and actually complete something instead of letting the fear get me :)

  3. go west!!!

    sounds like fun...

  4. That's how my therapy you said, it's amazing what the soul will vomit up, given the chance. Sometimes it's scary in that those things are things I had never realized were in there, things I never knew. It's weird. Once I collect myself, I always feel more whole than ever. Isn't wholeness simply being in touch with your whole self, not necessarily being completely healthy?

  5. Kel - Go west (now I'm singing Village People songs, oy vey) PS: thank you again for leading me to art therapy. It has been an amazing experience for me.

    Erin - this is rather profound what you have said. Yes. I think you are spot on. It's not about being shiny, it's about being whole, about loving or at least integrating the parts you hate.

    The more I think about it, the more I think that the worst kinds of evils are perpetrated by those who have externalised their experiences "out there". Convenient if you're a disintegrated soul, but the price will be violence to other people.

    I think this is why I love Richard Rohr so much and his emphasis on everything belonging, on holding within us the death along with the life and not shying away from either.


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