Sleep Talkin Man

Wednesday 20 January 2010

I was put onto this blog by a workmate today.  It's written by a woman who has started documenting the nocturnal chatterings of her husband.  He regularly comes out with such doozies as:

"I want to be a cowboy. I don't want to be a panda. Pandas are boring, stupid and boring. Bad panda!"

"Can you hold... can you hold my starfish? It doesn't like it when I'm getting excited. Oh look, it likes you! Its legs are all cree-py cree-py."

"Hey, don't... don't say anything. Why don't you put it in an email, then I can ignore it at my pleasure."

"I feel all rolley polley rolley polley. rolley pony PONY.... Splat!"

"If I wanted to see a long nose and a big ass, I'd look at a horse."

"Butt cheeks ahoy! There she blows!"

"You can't be a pirate if you don't have a beard. I said so. MY boat, MY rules."

"We haven't got a plank. Just fucking jump."

"Yes I'm sad, but if you stood further away, I'd be happier. No, further away. Well, let's face it, just fucking C*^% OFF! Thank you, I appreciate it."

And that's just from the past couple of days.  Lovely and mild-mannered during the day, a foul-talkin' pirate at nighttime.  You gotta love that.

Sleep Talkin' Man


  1. Oh thank you Sue, that is absolutely freaking hilarious!


  2. Badgertastic!!! :)

    I love how mean and nasty he is, haha :)

  3. HA! This is too funny. And I thought Anthony was weird for yelling out "where's the pill that shrinks the dog?" the other night.

  4. Jeez if you hadn't said that it was a blog of a co-worker, I would have thought that Jess had started up a blog....Ha ha just kidding. Now in certain Christian circles he would of course be demonized and would have to be exorcised....


  5. Zinger - it's not actually the blog of a co-worker, but a co-worker pointed me to the blog :) And who, pray tell, is Jess????

    That made me laugh out loud. Certain Christian circles - you're SO RIGHT. The thought actually went through my own mind as well, haha!!

  6. Thank you for sharing that, it was tasty brilliant awesomeness!

  7. Hysterical! I thought my cat Humphrey talking in his sleep was funny. Mind you, I have no idea what Humphrey is saying.

  8. oops, Jess would be my longsuffering fellow travellar on this man's journey. Aka my loving wife. cheers



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