Blah blah blah

Wednesday 30 March 2011

I'm taking part in a university study that is testing the effects of kava on anxiety.  The kava root has been used for thousands of years in Pacific nations like Fiji.

Or at least I will be taking part if I could call her back.  I don't know if it's a passive aggressive thing (I hate mobile phones) but the woman running it has been trying to get in touch with me for several days and left several messages and I just ... haven't ... managed to get there to get back to her.  I'm sure procrastinating about calling people back is a contributor to anxiety but meh.  It's not like the mixed bag of temperamental aspects never said anxiety and procrastination wouldn't go together.  Nor shyness and outgoingness.  Nor anger and timidity.  Nor a whole stack of other seemingly contradictory aspects.

My anxiety levels are such that its levels are not as debilitating as it is for some people.  If I did yoga and meditation every single day, it probably wouldn't be too much of a problem except in stressful situations where I still could possibly melt into a puddle on the floor.  And because I apparently come across as such a capable sort of a person, basically I don't think a whole lot of people believe me when I say I suffer with anxiety. Even though sometimes I sit there or stand there or lie there and try to beat it back all day long, and it feels like its worming its electrical little way throughout my entire body, entrapping me, closing down my lungs.  Then it is the entire world.

I get so frustrated about that whole thing - about how our appearances belie just what it takes to bring ourselves to market.  The guy who seems uncommunicative?  He's Aspergers.  The woman who seems like a bitch?  She's depressed and barely holding it together.  The boy prodigy who writes beautiful words?  He has to beat down the flames that lick at him saying that he's a pile of shit and what's he got to say that's any good?  The guy who's always friendly and outgoing?  He's got a whole lot of demons to slay to get to that point every single day of his life.


  1. haha I was going to apply for that study but you cant do it if you are on medication:)

  2. Oh, okay. That would have been pretty spin-outy running into you at an anxiety study :D Where did you see it? I can't even remember now where I heard about it ... oh, yes, now I do as I type. I saw it in an ad on Facebook before I ditched it :)

  3. I can't say that I completely follow you because I'm tired and it's that kind of day. But I do absolutely agree that we never really know what lies under the surface of the people we judge. When I go to classes I try to sit near the front...even though this goes against every fiber of my introverted being...and I wonder what people think when I walk past every one to take a seat in the front row where no one else is sitting?

  4. when we lived in PNG the locals used to call Kava wild cognac
    perhaps if you had some, you'd be less likely to hate your new mobile phone :p

  5. I like your blahs, Sue. You allways tell it how it is, and you are a totally likeable person for that:)

  6. Erin - there you go, an introvert sitting in the front row. It just makes me wonder when I look at people, how little we really understand where they're coming from - what theyre compensating for, or overcompensating for, or undercompensating for. We do run very deep, don't we.

    Kel - indeed I think I might possibly hate my new mobile phone less, haha!! I went today so not sure if I have a placebo or not. Did you try any of the kava when you were in PNG?

    Harry - that's really kind of you to say, thank you. I must say, sometimes it feels self-indulgent writing this stuff. Thanks my dear :)

  7. Kava is wonderful, my dear. It has a not unpleasant taste in beverage form and is very relaxing. One of my very favorite things learned from my Pacific Islander friends!

  8. Hey, you. I've only been taking it in tablet form so far. I do hear the powder can be more effective than the tablet.


Newer Older