Hip hooray for stability

After posting about humility yesterday, I went away and wrote for an hour, part A of an essay that has been swimming around in my head all week. It was such a productive hour that it kind of took me by surprise. I had been a bit anxious about what this was going to be about, tempted to try to pull the whole thing up into my intellect even before I'd started to write it, instead of just letting it swim around in my gut and seeing what came out when I sat down to write. I was kinda surprised by what did come out. I don't think writing will ever lose its element of surprise for me.

This may not sound like much of a breakthrough, considering the amount that I blog, but I have been so blocked ever since Winter and illness, and now, with the help of the wunderbar Julia Cameron, I feel like I am starting to come out of it. And oh, oh, it feels like honey and it feels like trees :)

I am starting to feel a stability I haven't felt for so long. It's there even when I'm not writing. Like roots that are starting to grow down and anchor me to the earth. Make me feel safe enough to write. Safe enough to go visiting dark places. When I sat down yesterday to start writing, it was after walking through a fog of anxiety to get there. And so man, it feels so good to conquer that, even for a day. It feels so damn good :) Now, all there is, is to do it again today. That's how it works. And I feel confident about doing it again today because I feel like there's this foundation that's been built up over the past several months of introspection and learning to give myself permission and development and new insights and stuff. Yay. Thanks Julia, wherever you are. I'm terribly grateful.

I love days of small beginnings.