Prayers Pliz ...

Monday 24 March 2008

... would be good.

I'm in the land of Stressing the Absolute Shit out of Myself. It comes with the territory of the Land of Returned Golfball Neck. It comes with the territory of still not having great health after 10 fricking years of shithouse health (excuse my Tourette's but I'm just fed up today). It comes with the territory of having to have my mother or my ex-husband help me yet again to pay my rent because I'm still a limpet on the sole of society's foot.

When do I get good health? Never? Is this what I get to put up with for the rest of my life? 'Cause if so, Papa, it stinks. I'd rather not have the two weeks of feeling fine if I have to put up with the returns back to dragging my feet through bloody well everything. I'm just fighting off the flu or a bug and I'll be feeling good in a week or so? Well, tell that to my rational mind because I have been inoculated against being able to deal calmly with a week of feeling yuk by the preceding 10 years. So I'm being a two year old throwing a tantrum? Yeah, I am. And yeah, I'm shaking my fist, too. I'm sure you're big enough to deal with it.

Off to search for God. I think I lost him somewhere under the piles of stress ...


  1. All I have Sue is, I'm listening. My wife slept most of the day today also...sometimes you just do what you need to do to get through I guess?

  2. Kent. I don't like that answer. The answer I want to hear is, "Hey, God just told me that you are gonna feel better tomorrow and never feel bad again ever."

    That's what I want to hear right now. Because apparently only getting 6 hours sleep correspondingly means that I am emotionally 6 years old today. But hey, the tantrum is passing already. They get boring prety quick

  3. Praying for you, Sister Sue!

    No nice answers - but I do know that God is good, and that he does somehow (however bafflingly) work in all things for the good of those who love him. That I know for sure.

    All possible blessings


  4. no wise words, but wanted to let you know i'm here.

  5. What is golfball neck? Is it thyroid?

    I've been feeling down too with my scoliosis back and my allergies...I know it will pass though so it's probably not quite the same. When my back acts up I feel concerned for the future of scoliosis cause I watched my husband's grandmother hobble along saying "ouch" every two minutes.

    In the movie Steel Magnolias there's that line, "I'd rather have 30 minutes of wonderful than a whole lifetime of nothing special".

    Sometimes I wonder about that when I'm in pain. Sometimes I think maybe it would be better to not know what it's like to have a strong back and just deal in my own reality than to have had a strong back once and remember how great it was to not have so many limitations.

    So sorry you are feeling like limpet and not well.

  6. Thanks everyone. Sometimes you just need a bit of prayer and a bit of encouragement, you know? (I find it hard to ask for those things)

    Jennifer, the golfball neck is my glands on the side of my neck standing up. My immune system is fighting off yet another bug or whatever, while meanwhile it's trying to get itself right. It's getting there - most of the time, I do think I am on an upward kind of curve because I feel what it's like now to be healthy. I know how amazing health feels and so at least I guess i have that to strive for. So I suppose it is good in that way to have experienced some good stuff so you have something to aim for? It's just painful when you've felt that and you lose it again.

    You mentioned thyroid. There is definitely something wrong with my hormones. All of them. I need to go book in to see an endocrinologist. Just trying to sort out which way to go forward. And it's all so expensive :(

    Scoliosis is pretty painful from what I hear. That must be hard to deal with.

  7. Sue, everyone around me at work kept saying: Is that cough ever going to go away? I kept saying, It is what it's a cough and eventually it will be over. This is my third day witout a cough, since it began 8 weeks ago.

    I have had this more springs than I want to mention and I handled this last one better than I ever have before. It was just another one of those tangible things that have happened since the ever present reality of Papa, Jesus and Sarayu became so real.

    Keep pressing into the things that have been unfolding before you...there is hope that regardless of our situation there is a rest and a peace and joy and a FREEDOM to be lived in regardless of our situation.

    Be encouraged

  8. Thanks mate.

    You are, of course,right. And I do generally live in that place. I was hanging out the washing before, gritting my teeth as I stopped and thought, alright, blessings counting time. I stopped and thought and thanked about all the good stuff and it helps.

    but I'm just feeling worn down, you know? So thanks for the hand to clamber over the large rock that is today :)

  9. Hey Sister. I'm sorry. Chronic illness is nothing to sneeze at, and some days it can be pretty damn shitty. Hugs.

  10. Thanks Erin. I don't think I'm in the land of chronic illness anymore. I'm just in the land of chronic unhealth. Which are two different things :) Thanks for hug. Hugs back


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