Laundromat blues

My washing machine isn't working properly. Isn't pumping water out properly, and so unless I monitor it, it keeps getting itself caught up in cycles and fills up too much with water and then spurts it out of wherever orifice it can find, out the washing powder chute and stuff, vomitously cleaning my bathroom floor and not my clothes.

I don't have the money to call in a repair person, and anyway, I figured this was a good opportunity for me to open the machine up and have a look for myself. After all, there are basic things like fanbelts come loose, or lint filters that need cleaning out, or bits and pieces that maybe get caught up in the hose, and with the help of some do it yourself websites, it's easy to work out what to do. After all, washing machines are pretty amazing little pieces of gadgetry, but there are certain things that come under the label of 'maintenance' that even someone like me can do, right?

So the fanbelt, she wasn't loose. The lint filter - well, it was located where it was supposed to be, but strangely enough it didn't look much like a lint filter and indeed there was no lint to be found. The washing machine hose - well, this is where the problem has begun. Such a simple simple problem but I don't know how to fix it. The clamp that connects the hose, I should have taken a photo of such a basic thing before I undid it, 'cause now I can't for the life of me work out how to put the bastard back together. The bloody clamp. A real basic thing.

Funny, but just last night I was doing a bit of thinking about how I have developed this tough girl "I can do it myself" persona over the years. Part of that is through woundedness, but part of it is simply from being incredibly inquisitive and wanting to find out for myself how stuff works.

My Mum was over on Monday and she said to me doubtfully,

"Why don't you get Dad to come over and look at it?"

"You don't need to have a penis to be able to do some basic maintenance on your washing machine," I said, rather tetchily, mainly because I didn't have a damn clue what sort of maintenance was required on a washing machine, but I was gonna learn, dammit, before I got Graeme to come tootling over from the other side of town to fix my stuff for me.

Hmm. I wonder what Dad is doing next weekend?