Friday Night Nausea

Saturday 13 September 2008

I've been feeling strange ever since I caught the train home. Dizzy. These little bouts of nausea come on me every now again, make me wonder if perhaps I have a propensity like my Mum towards a bit of vertigo. Jollyness. Or maybe I'm just fighting something off, one of the flu bugs that are going around, like the one that has laid my dad low for the past few days and given him a blessed legitimate excuse to feel weak and talk about it (sickness has some positive elements to it, for sure). But whatever the reason, I came home and felt uninspired and lethargic, unable to concentrate, cloggy headedly dizzy.

Like the guy I saw on the train on the way home. Who leant over into the aisle and vomited. Leant back in his seat after he hurled three or four times all over the ground. Didn't lift up his face, whether because he was too wasted or too ashamed I'm not sure. Probably because he knew what he would see when he did.

And my heart went out to everyone. Because you're pretty stuffed up if you're off your face and it's just gone 7pm and you're heaving on the train. Because his shame lies right there in the aisle, in the water and the half digested food. Because no one went to help him but we all chose to make ourselves feel superior in comparison to him. Because I had no water on me to take to him and even if I did I didn't think I could traverse the vomit without adding to it and then it would turn into some kind of crazy Monty Python movie (or was it The Simpsons?) with everyone throwing up, and I was already feeling dizzy as it was. Because all the people around were grossed out and switched carriages (through the door connecting the carriages so they didn't have to venture through puke zone). Except for the one older woman sitting diagonally opposite him whose eyebrows were raised right up near her hairline but who seemed bemused rather than frightened or turned off. Because they're all ashamed too but they just have better ways of hiding it, or they've been through that deal already in earlier years, or they managed to miss it completely. Because some of them think that because they go home and watch television every night and nothing else that they are somehow more superior than the boy who vomits in early evening public. Because I once threw up under a coffee table when I was at a nightclub and just kept on drinking. Because once years ago I hung around on a couch with some guy I hardly knew in a darkened nightclub allowing him to do things you shouldn't do in public until we got caught by the club's security person and asked to desist. And I didn't even like him that much. Because the guy who rolled his eyes standing opposite me in the train carriage maybe thought that he somehow missed out on the shame stick but forgets he's ashamed that he can't get off unless it's to porn. Or maybe he's ashamed because he doesn't care about anyone else but himself and he doesn't know how to change it. Or maybe he thinks he's hiding it under Armani and Prada and a nice pair of expensive sunglasses.

Because we all got our little bits of shame and patheticness. Some of us just know how to hide it better than others. Or if we're lucky, some of us got some sort of healing for some of it. And my heart went out to everyone because God's heart goes out to everyone. But surely a little bit extra for that boy.

My dizziness has passed somewhat now, just some residual bits hanging around the edges. Hopefully I will wake up tomorrow and feel good. I hope the boy will too.

11 comments

  1. Sue, for the first time in my life I am at home today having canceled my day at work due to vertigo. I had to leave the salon last night before completing my last client because I was feeling so bad. I made it to the back of the parking lot and had to exit my vehicle to vomit. It happened about 4 more times once I got home. I finally got to bed and slept well but with the first move of my head this morning the room began to spin.

    It's all been a really strange experience. Along with getting up and reading this post of yours and it being about your vertigo.

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  2. Wow! Serious! How weird!

    I don't know what it all means, but that's kinda weird! Oh, dude, I hope it passes quickly for you! It feels so yukky. I hope you feeling that way and reading about vomiting didn't make you feel worse!

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  3. Poor Sue (and Kent!)... hope you're feeling much better by the time you read this.

    I really felt for your guy who threw up on the train. I did that on the London Underground late at night, many years ago, just outside Tottenham Court Road station. Not my best memory of my days in London... And yes, other people's eyes are the worst of it. No one offered me a drink of water, either! Fortunately, there weren't too many other people, so I could slink away at the next stop...

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  4. Sue, by early morning the nausea had pretty much passed. I took some dramamine early today and it seemed to take the edge off the dizziness also. Still not feeling normal but I am going to work tomorrow morning. I am glad that I only go until noon on Saturdays...it makes it easier to do....with vertigo and even without. :)

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  5. Thankyou for these thoughts - there is many a sermon to be found in this post. Nothing smart to add, other than the guy in the train will be a picture that will remain with me - 30 years ago I was that guy.
    I must continue to remember where I have come from ...

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  6. Mike - ahh, yuk :( People probably assumed the worst of you, too, I would imagine - that you were drunk or whatever. Yuk. I saw a woman on the train one morning in my earlier incarnation as someone who got up earlier, and she very discreetly vomited into her cardigan then got off at the next step. Morning sickness, I presume. Poor thing :)

    Kent - oh, yay. I'm happy to hear that. I'm glad it's a Saturday morning and not a full day, you're probably feeling really tired? I feel not too bad as well. Just a bit fuzzy around the edges, but I hope to get out anyway and walk the dog by the river. Only problem is it's crazy windy out there, might make it feel worse.

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  7. Mork - hey, dude. Yeah, I reckon root remembrance is a fine thing, especially the parts that were hard to live through. Everything is recyclable it seems, with grace ...

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  8. I'm glad you are feeling better.

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  9. I'm glad you are feeling better :) I still feel a bit sick around the edges. Wanted to go visit a gallery today but today is not the shape for visiting galleries. Tomorrow.

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  10. Yay, another train story! love it-

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  11. Thanks, Manuela. It felt a bit dreary and depressing to me actually so I'm glad you enjoyed it :)

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