Ho Hummity

Monday, 12 January 2009

Okay, whinge alert. I'm about to have a bit of a whinge and you, sweet blogger, are therefore about to read it. (But here's a shortcut: I'm about to whinge about going back to work tomorrow, so if you just skip to the comments and say "oh, poor susie, it's okay, who knows what will come up this year for you workwise?" I'll never know you didn't read the whole post :)

There's nothing for it tonight but to comfort eat. A large custard tart, which may possibly be all gone by the time I've finished this post. My holidays are over tonight. Rushing in swirling is a compacted combined feeling of all the Sunday nights of my childhood. O depressing night. The claustrophobia. The frustration at having no option but to get up in the morning and go back to skewel.

I could do comparisons, I suppose. Even though comparisons are oderous to me. They deflect you away from really acknowledging to yourself what you're feeling. But let's try.

I could be working 60 hours a week as a boilermaker, or a chicken sexer, or a prostitute, or a politician. Really, sitting on my bum to clear 30 bucks an hour for 25 hours a week is a pretty good wicket. Right? Well, that still does not deny the fact that cricket bores me.

I could be going back to school tomorrow instead of going back to work. I could be at home, crying, because six weeks of fun at Andrea's has come to an end and now I'm stuck at home, boredom central, feeling like the next holidays may as well never even exist, they're that far away.

Well, it's true, it could be all of those things, which would be worse, but that still doesn't change the fact that tomorrow I go back to the job that bores me. And I can't quite keep the sadness at bay tonight. It feels like the year is stretching away ahead of me, week after week of "Yes, Your Honour" and "Can you tell us what the tablets were doing located in your house, if they don't belong to you?" Sigh. Is there any chance, o great flying spaghetti monster, that this year my life could expand somewhat, maybe even in several different directions, so that I can possibly actually feel like I am a part of the human race? That would be dandy, thank ye.

Breathe Susie, breathe. Okay. Easter's coming up, right? And I am an optimist of sorts. I can say things to myself like, "Who knows what is around the corner? Maybe something else will come up." Well, maybe. Maybe maybe maybe.

My brother came over today, brought the last of the furniture and what-not that's been kept in a self-storage container in Clayton, brought it over to store in my garage. And now off he has gone, to the state forest beyond Bacchus Marsh, with an air mattress and a portable fridge in the back of his car. He is heading off on Friday, after a few days in the bush, wending his way to Geelong, and from there to Warrnambool to follow the coast into South Australia. He plans to stay with my auntie in Murray Bridge for a while, painting her house for her, and then to perhaps see if he can begin afresh, a new life.

I'm a bit jealous. Oh, I know it's easy to be jealous of someone taking off like that from the outside. But as it happens, he hasn't got the foggiest what the hell he is going to do. His work options are much more limited even than mine. And as it is he has been without a house for the past three months, and the gypsy lifestyle is beginning to wear thin. Still, off he drove, in high spirits, optimistic. And despite him not knowing what the hell he is doing, I remain jealous.

I want to be on the road, free, with no boring job to go to tomorrow. Living out of my campervan, driving around Australia, writing and selling articles and short stories that fund my trip. Picking up friends and family from local airports and bus stations to come along and have adventures with me.

Okay. So I'm fantasising :) It is an occupational hazard to fantasise about being out and free when tomorrow you are going back to work for the foreseeable future. Oh, fuckity fuck :(

Come on Sue. Focus on something. Okay. How about this: in a couple of weeks I am going to an information session about Kidslink, a small organisation that Heather is involved with, which digs wells in Mozambique and which is constructing a school building in the town of M'Batwe. It is a sort of surreal scary thing to consider doing something like this, but nevertheless I am going to go along and think about whether maybe, in July, it is possible that I could go to Mozambique for a couple of weeks. Do something for other people and maybe expand my small little life. Get it moving again. Maybe.

Speaking of Heather, I got together with her and Louisa last night. It was great to meet another fellow blogger. We chatted, ate Mexican food, drank a Pina Colada, got kicked out the restaurant because it was closing. We went to a pub down the road, drank coffee, chatted, and got kicked out because the pub was closing. We drove to the Espy (much cleaner than when I was last there), sat in the little side part next to the pub, chatted, drank bourbon, bacardi and champagne, got kicked out because it was closing. We went into the pub, in time to see the last song of the last band. We left before we could get kicked out and stood and chatted in the street about how, next time we get together, we're gonna try for a Saturday night next time so that things won't keep closing :) It was fun. But I'm not allowed to tell you about how Louisa walked up the aisle to a Hillsongs song, and Heather walked down the aisle to one. Don't tell anyone I told you.


  1. Ah Sue. Once again, you have written something that brings clarity to my own experience. I spent Christmas with a friend's family and it was wonderful. And I was depressed for a week after I got back.... because I didn't know if I would ever experience that niceness again... sigh. And back to work it is.


  2. Mozambique? Now that's down and dirty! I hope you get to do that. Might be just the ticket.

    So you (and Heather) were the reason Lou posted on FB that "she was tired because she was out until 2 Am"...shame on you guys...I'm so jealous!

    I hope your workday wasn't too terribly dreary...and I hope that shining star thing you need to fight the doldrums is right around the corner. I'm peeking around corners looking for that thing for me, too.

  3. as i was reading this i realized i don't know what you do for a living. but i'm sorry it's boring. if i knew a little more i'm sure i could come up with about 20 ideas to spice up the workday. depending on what kind of stiffs you work with/around their enjoyment may not increase, but i'm good at finding the nooks and crannies in between the well defined boundaries of "proper behaviour" to play in. if you're interested...

    and i of course, i must echo erin in her jealousy. i'm so glad you hens were able to have a night out. i couldn't imagine how cool it would be to meet and drink and chat with fellow bloggers...

  4. Hey you promised!!
    Hope today was not too awful for you.
    Id love to go to Africa one day too- we are looking at maybe living there for a while when kids are older
    I feel the same that life is passing me by in a big rush but what can you do?

  5. See I knew you couldn't keep your keyboard fingers in check!
    You'll have to let me know what night you're doing the Kidslink thing and I'll come along with you.
    Hope work today is not as bad as you thought it would be.

    Erin, yes, it's all my fault. Actually, Sue piked a good hour at least before we did (see, getting you back for the Hillsong comments, Sue!). We blamed it on the fact that she can just leave the house whenever she likes but (being Mums who have to organise our husbands to "babysit") we were free to toddle home whenever for the first time in a while! We definitely made the most of our freedom.

  6. If I still had my job, I would have been back in the office on Monday too. But I was retrenched before Christmas. And rural regional towns suck up the media information that tells them we're in a bad economic climate and suddenly, there are no jobs being advertised in the paper. Unless you're 18 and want an apprenticeship or traineeship, cos that's cheap labour.

    I don't blame you for the summertime [back-to-work] blues, but from where I'm sitting, earning that much money in a part-time job looks pretty good!

    There is not much freedom in wondering how the bills are going to be paid . . .

  7. KG - how you got any clarity from this whingefest is beyond me :) Back to work sux :(

    Erin - I pray the same star for you. Work was work. It was ... boring :)

    Jon - I sit at a computer all day transcribing either court cases or police interviews. I don't actually HAVE much opportunity to run amok stuck in front of a screen all day, hence the irritation. However, I still manage to insert a couple of heavy duty conversations into the day anyway - or I would go nuts

    Lou - sorry, I couldn't resist. It was really naughty of me. And yeah, it's kinda scary how quickly the whole deal is rushing by :(

    Heather - it's the 25th Jan on a Sunday arvo at 2.30, so if you can make it that will be cool. Haha, I'll wear the piker mantle, I don't mind :)

    Kel - there ain't no cure fo the summertime blues. But thanks for posting this. It helped to kick me up the ass and stop feeling sorry for myself. I hope you find a job twice as good as the last one :)

  8. If it makes anyone feel better, my wedding processional was El Shaddai. Not sure if that's better than Hillsong.

  9. and to be honest, she didn't actually divulge the songs you walked to. it's not as if hillsongs doesn't have ANY good songs.

    i'm sure it wasn't "shout to the lord" was it? ;-)

  10. jON, nope, promise. It was a Geoff Bullock one. I think that fact redeems me slightly...

    Meanwhile back at the Deconstructed Christian ranch I have been told off by a commenter for simultaneously bagging and recommending a Hillsong song. I need go to figure out how to reply to that...

  11. I saw that comment, Heather. I began replying with something snide but then just let it go :)

  12. So I was avoiding that video over at Heather's, but now I have to see it, esp after what Barb said.

  13. is there a dress code at work?

  14. A dress code? Yeah - smart casual, I suppose, is what we actually wear, although the official code is businesslike.

    Why, do you thnk I should spice it up a bit? Wear, for example, those jeans I remember from the early 80s that had plastic bits over the back so you could see people's bum cheeks? Or some fishnet stockings and suspenders?

    It's funny actually how corporate wear has changed. Much more casual these days. More women who can let their baps hang out a bit and it's okay.

    Why doth thou ask?

  15. because there's SO MUCH you can do with your clothing for fun. if you're interested in spicing things up a bit. and if you're not easily embarassed. not much time now to chat about it, i'll be back...

  16. You are SO not a girl, jON

    The only thing I wanna do with my clothes is look nice in them and try to hide the rolls of fat. Finis


  17. "and try to hide the rolls of fat"

    Yah, pretty much! LOL...

    (meaning myself)


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