"Look," You said, in one of those moments where every second is suffused, suddenly, the normal made magical. Where plastic looks transcendent. You had spoke, as you so often do, through a three minute song, a song that I pass over time and time again with very little interest. But then, this is what you do with that band, isn't it? They seem to be put away for special occasions where You speak to me, and You stroke my face, after I have sobbed, and heaved, and it feels like I am going to collapse into my sadness and never come out the other side. In the middle, sometimes You speak, and more often You are silent.
I know it is You speaking. I hear Your voice. At the very same time I do not know that it is You speaking and I am very conscious of claiming to hear Your voice when I cannot claim anything. But I know. I know it. If I am deluded them let me be deluded by Love.
And you say, "Look." And I look, and there is a chink where before there was a brick.
These are special occasions. They happen randomly from my seeing, at Your compilation. They are like milestone markers on the side of the road, like some happy snaps of the journey you are taking me on, blind and weak and stupid.
This sin is becoming no shame, but worship. Oh, no wonder dervishes whirl. What other response is there?
It is a gently sunny Winter's day this morning. It feels like it is just for me.
I will never get over You. If I saw You face to face, I would dissolve into a pool of honey.
Thank you.
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I love that Sue
ReplyDeleteCool, Kent :)
ReplyDeleteYou know what? After I wrote this, like I do with many posts here, I second-guessed. I was feeling like, "Who am I to blather here about my experiences? What about people who haven't had any experiences like this and they read here? What will they think? Will they think I'm mad? Will they think I'm deluded? If they do think I had some sort of touch with the numinous, will they be jealous that I am seeming to bleat about this in a boastful sort of a way?"
And then I think in response, "Oh, for God's sake, Susie Q, you must be Jewish because you have so many bloody questions."
And if people are jealous - well, fuck 'em. Heh. "Be still and know I am God" is universal, as far as I am concerned, and there every single day, if anyone is willing to learn. All good meditators and Buddhists know that :)
I'm tired of this stage of my life, Kentster. Such a heavy weight of messy crap, like the shit you find down the back of the couch when you take the covers off to vacuum :) Thanks for being an encourager to me through it :)
"I will never get over You. If I saw You face to face, I would dissolve into a pool of honey."
ReplyDeleteYou write like Rumi. I love it.
Oh, Erin! NO ONE writes like Rumi except Rumi!
ReplyDeleteBut thanks for the gigantosoric compliment. Wheee *reels around the room*
You're very welcome.
ReplyDelete