So my second pottery class is coming up this Wednesday night. The dread is sort of overtaking the excitement. This situation is, for me, one that I know I will get a lot out of. But it patently scares the hell out of me.
Don't quite know why. Sort of understand why. But getting out with other people and learning something new and creative, has fears attached to it that are just waaaaaaay out of proportion when you consider that I am just messing around with clay. It has been a really long time since I have been in a class learning environment with something creative. If I was in a university tutorial I would be breathing easy and doing it with half my brain switched on. This is different. It's like learning to use muscles that I decided years ago, centuries ago, that I would not use because it was too dangerous to do so.
That's why this is really important for me to do this. But wow, I feel, like, 10 times more raw and exposed than I thought I would.
Made a bust the other day. Didn't get it finished. Felt behind the rest of the people. Felt like an imbecile, as if everyone else was getting it except me (where does this crap come from???) Still, for all of those crazy irrationalities, I made the beginnings of a cute little bust with really cool eyes, with eyeballs and eyelids and everything. I realised in the process how, without studying the anatomy of the human face in any sort of formal way, I nevertheless know a great deal. Pretty fun.
So yeah. Weird how threatening this feels to me. Can't explain it. Don't want to, really. But I feel terribly small and fragile creatively, doing this. Getting out of my comfort zone is a good, good thing.
A good side benefit: feeling rather overwhelmed by this thing I am doing for another five weeks makes work much more bearable. How nice to get to a known, safe, boring, dull place and be able to park myself there for several hours each day :) Which of course has always been what I've thought when I started this job - having such a boring job will force me out of my comfort zone to cope with it. A good, and uncomfortable, thing.
Eek.
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"Being unafraid to try something new and look stupid."
ReplyDeletethis is a line i copied from BlissChick's post today on perfection. when i adopted this attitude, my whole world changed...as i think about it though, there's always a little fear still there which makes the trying so much sweeter, 'cuz i go ahead and do it anyway. just like you!!!! bravo! i have always wanted to take a pottery class. hmmmm.
I can't even tell you how much I admire your for stepping out of your comfort zone to stretch and grow. Ya just know it will be good for ya since you are dreading it so much.
ReplyDeleteYou ROCK Ms. Sue Z Q!