Sometimes it doesn't matter how much you micromanage your life to deal with your high sensitivity/post-CFS/adrenal fatigue/stresshead/empath/bad health/inability to function in the world loserness..

You micromanage your life, but then you have to take calculated risks, because that's what life is, right?  Life is about living.  About not needing to micromanage all the time.  About jumping in.

And so seven months ago you take a calculated risk because it feels right, even though it is a stressful thing to do.  But then two weeks later, when you're still dealing with the stress because of your high sensitivity/post-CFS/adrenal fatigue/stresshead/empath/bad health/inability to function in the world loserness, out of left field comes something to stress you off the dial.  Your past, holding a remote control, presses a couple of buttons from 50km away, and so you are reminded that (a) getting rid of your past is not as easy as you would like it to be and (b) you can't remember what (b) was because you have no fucking memory.

Sometimes your health goes backwards in your quest to bring it forwards.  I had a hypoglycemic attack last night.  And so after eating two pieces of toast I didn't want to eat because I really wanted to make the stir fry I really wanted to eat but I couldn't because I thought I would melt into a puddle on the floor,, I lay on the couch for the rest of the night feeling fatigued, weak, and depressed.

I hate the world today.  But hating the world and feeling depressed are no-nos in the energy consciousness field - if I do that I'm dragging down the planetary consciousness sphere with my negative mental energy, man.  Because don't we all know - if we all just stay positive everything will change.

But maybe some things are never going to fucking change.