Dear Big 4 Bank

Dear National Australia Bank,

Thank you for your two recent letters advising me that two direct-debit items on my account were dishonoured because of lack of funds in my account. In recent weeks, I have been earning as much as, or less than, what I would receive on the dole.

In terms of work for a writer and secretary working from home, it’s rather quiet out there.

I know that you will understand the stress relating to dwindling financial resources as you have recently suffered your own profit slump. It hurts, doesn’t it! I mean, you lost $1 BILLION in profits in the full year to September 2012. I can’t begin to imagine how awful it must feel losing such a large amount of money.
You know what they say, though — look on the bright side. Focus on what you do have. Gratitude is the attitude that gets you out the other side of doom and gloom and potential homelessness into seeing the opportunities that lie scattered all around you like rose petals. I understand with such a large profit loss you may find it almost impossible to not focus on it, but I implore you, dear NAB, to focus instead on the $4.1 billion profit you did make in the same period.

I know, though, what they say about riches — they are never enough. That niggling sense of insecurity just never goes away, no matter how much gold you may pile up in your worldwide Rothschildian storehouses. It is for this reason that I fulsomely understand why in your letters of dishonour to me you needed to spell out to me in capital letters that these items have been returned UNPAID. I understand the need to shame me in this instance. It is to discourage me from being such a bad consumer in the future, to ensure that I always have the money in my account to cover the direct debits that are coming out. I think it’s the same reason why, when cheques have been dishounoured in the past, you have charged me an extra fee for the disservice. Fair enough. It must have put you out a fair bit, after all.

So just wondering, National Australia Bank — do you reckon you could spot me a couple of hundred till next payday?

Yours,
Sue

This post is alos now appearing on Independent Australia :)