Sick of seeing career opportunities pass me by and not being the one to be chosen. Sick of not having the time to write because I'm using up my energy doing work I don't like. Even worse ... sick of not having enough work that I don't like to pay the bills.
Sick of feeling like I am vastly, vastly underemployed but that people can't see my worth. Sick of part of the reason for that being these health issues that have plagued me for decades. Sick of feeling like very few people really see me and even fewer understand what a struggle it is and how hard I am trying.
I am sick of not being seen.
Sick to fucking death of living in a world where if you don't market yourself to the max you have no value. Sick of living in a species that doesn't seem to give a fuck enough about finding ways to do this thing better that we will push against the goads of the invisible ones who profit from our slavery if necessary to effect change. We are slaves with learned helplessness tendencies.
This competitive, carrot-on-a-stick society has no place for anybody except for those at the top. Have we really taken on their ways so much that we have become so heartless ourselves that we don't really care about anything any more unless it affects us directly? Do we not know that what affects others will ultimately come to affect us ourselves?
Sick of having vision, of seeing what so many don't seem to be able to see. Sick of seeing how unnecessary the fight to survive is in this society, this stupid, stupid, insipid capitalistic dance, and having to dance the fucker anyway.
Okay, that's all. I feel better now.
I struggle to say all of this because it is complaining and it is not being positive and who wants to hear it anyway? Well, you know what, inner voices of fear that I am voicing my discontent? This is my blog. And if people don't want to read this, then they won't. So shut up.
There, that's better.