Neither from nor towards; at the still point, there the dance is
~ TS Eliot, Four Quartets
I'm not the only one who has problems with focus. Even without the health issues from which a lot of my attention issues stem, like many other writers I would still be battling the call of the internet and the problems that it creates when our minds are so full of other people's words it's harder to find our own.
I read on an ADHD site yesterday that when you are fully present to what is in front of you, time slows and expands. I know this space. It's where all the beauty happens. It's what I'm searching for, that peace where I become so fully myself and so into the moment that I disappear. That's eactly the reason why I used to get stoned. Exactly it.
Sometimes I can't get to that space. On bad health days I flail around in a hell of fractured flittering from one thing to the other, thinking I'll find somewhere to alight. I keep trying through more distractions to reach the spaciousness and it is going in exactly the wrong direction. I feel so stupid and clotted and at the mercy of my body, my ragged mind, my knee-jerk reactions that send me to look at Twitter, at Facebook, at the next link, when what I am craving for is to look @ No-Thing.
The No-Thing. The fullest empty space that feels big enough to roll around in. The space where the stories come from, and where we can hear ourselves stopping thinking. Where everything's turned to white.