Anus Horribillis

Saturday, 18 January 2014

I often do this - something goes wrong and I take it all upon myself, as if I absolutely could have prevented it but didn't through laziness or aversion, and therefore it's my fault and proves something is horribly wrong with me. Whereas in fact there's only so many balls you can juggle and anyway, haemmerhoids are common enough to the human condition.

Apple cider vinegar on a cotton ball and shoved up your clacker has worked for lots of people apparently, so I'm always up for some experimentation.

All of those people who have tried this remedy know full well that the word "shoved" is here used for effect rather than any reflection on reality.

Upon reflection, 2013 on the whole resembled for me the four days of weather hellishness Melbourne has just been through.  Four days of temps around the 43 celsius mark.  Last night the cool change hit, and the smell of the earth rose up to where I was on the balcony watching the lightning flash purple down the stretch of the sky.  Any birds that we've seen over the past four days have been drooped with their beaks open and their wings slightly away from their body to stay as cool as possible.  The bird bath stayed mainly unused because it was too hot to get to.

Now, the temperatures outside are half of what they were yesterday and the activity flurries. Rainbow lorikeets, cockatoos, rosellas and kookaburras  coming back to life.


  1. I love you because you are so funny and so honest! I can only say I experienced #1 after giving birth. Witch Hazel did the trick.

    As for the heat wave...I'm glad you're getting some relief. I have been following how hot it's been down there. We've been lucky, we've escaped the "polar vortex" up here.

    1. Thank you for helping me feel I'm part of the haemmerhoid club ... even if I have only given birth to poo.

      Oh, I'm glad you've escaped the worst of the weather!! I saw a photo the other day of Chicago, with icicles hanging off everything. It was a very sad sort of a picture.

      How are you going with the winterness?

      We have had TWO earthquakes in the last three or four days, one 15k (9 miles) from here and one 25k (15 miles). Very minor ones, 2.4 and 2.7, but still, a little unnverving ... plus the second one last night caused our power to go off and our modem to fry #firstworldproblems.

  2. LOL! I found using jojoba oil with a little crushed fresh sage leaf left, in it plus a few drops of juniper essential oil did the trick. Very soothing too! You can use a mix of lavender and juniper oil but I am not good with lavender.

    1. Ooh, that combo would smell very interesting! Thanks for the tip. I have been surprised, in my Great Haemmerhoid Experience of 2014, just how many other people have them. I get around now wondering about the state of people's bums. Luckily mine is healing up nicely with an apple cider vinegar/olive oil combo but I'll keep this in mind for next time :)


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