Happy New Year. Welcome, 2008.

Monday 31 December 2007

The moon is half full tonight, New Year's Eve, approximately three hours until the dreaded end of year hoop-la (did you notice on my cool little moon-ometer that the moon waxes and wanes gibbous? What a strange description. I can't help visualising a funny stocky little man with not much hair on his head and heaps in his ears penning that description back in 14th century Europe or something. Quaint and cute :) I love the moon).

I say dreaded New Year hoop-la only because it feels a bit painful for me this year, just like last year, and the year before. (But you know what? I know it's not always gonna be like that). I started writing a big long self-absorbed woe-is-me post but I have deleted it. In it I complained about how self-absorbed I have been this year. But it's been kinda necessary. The only problem with all this self-absorption and grieving and stuff is the propensity towards future-tripping that goes along with it. That's the bit that sucks.

It's true that I have cried more this year than the whole rest of my life combined, I think. But it's all working towards something. There's been a whole lot of work done on the old Susie this year and I look forward to eating its fruit and letting it dribble down my chin in 2008.

And so I am sitting here alone this one. It's not that I didn't have anywhere to go. It's just that it's been 41 degrees today and it's still hot as we speak (something in the vicinity of 97 degrees F at 9pm) and I just can't dredge myself up to do anything.

So in the name of self-nurturing, I have brought my one and only lamp into the lounge (where the airconditioner is). Light is a big thing for me. I always notice the quality of the light. The ceiling lights in here are flourescent lights and I feel like I'm in a morgue when they're on. Self-nurturing requires something a bit more charming. I've got me some DVDs and my writing books and I'm gonna sit here and be creative. Powerful nurturing. Life is a painful thing for me and a whole lot of other people right now. I think of all the people I know who are in sharp learning curves - there are many of us. Spiritually, this has been some kind of groundbreaking year, as far as I am concerned, and I look forward to us collectively eating our collective fruit and letting it dribble down our collective chins in 2008 :)

I'm not into too much reflecting backwards or forwards right now. I always feel rebellious doing such things when everyone else is doing them - it becomes a chore and I become 14 years old again, refusing to play :) But as far as hoping for myself in 2008 - I hope for healing, a year of being able to be more myself without being the open festering blob I have been in 2007. I look forward to tasting, touching, smelling and eating life and love and newness and growth and I look forward to sharing some of it with those of you who I know in 3D and watching it in all of you 2D dudes I'm enjoying the ride with.

Happy New Year everyone. Thank you, Papa.

The Morning Star paled slowly, the Cross hung low to the sea,
And down the shadowy reaches the tide came swirling free,
The lustrous purple blackness of the soft Australian night,
Waned in the gray awakening that heralded the light;
Still in the dying darkness, still in the forest dim
The pearly dew of the dawning clung to each giant limb,
Till the sun came up from ocean, red with the cold sea mist,
And smote on the limestone ridges, and the shining tree-tops kissed;
Then the fiery Scorpion vanished, the magpie's note was heard,
And the wind in the she-oak wavered, and the honeysuckles stirred,
The airy golden vapour rose from the river breast,
The kingfisher came darting out of his crannied nest,
And the bulrushes and reed-beds put off their sallow gray
And burnt with cloudy crimson at dawning of the day

The Australian Sunrise by James Lister Cuthbertson

Note about self-nurturance. I was crying before I wrote this post. Now I feel calm again. Enfolded in Papa. All those little small things, that even while you're moving towards them and not feeling like you want to do them - they all help. It is surprising the power that we all have in our grasp to affect our moods for good or ill, to be able to turn and devour some of those tigers and find they're actually made out of paper :)

I love my blog :)

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