Preach it, Salt Sistah

Thursday 15 May 2008

God is a God of context. I think we forget that. That is the problem with systematic theology and churches within walls — not that they have a theology or walls or even outlooks, but because they often strip us of our natural context and force us into something contrived. We are deprived of our own eyes, nose, ears, feelings and experiences and dropped into a box without doors or windows. The box neither opens out to God nor inward into our depths. We learn to regard the God of stone and marble and theologies, but He has nothing to do with our real life under the skin.

The rest is here

Systematic theology is such evidence of our desire for order and to be in control - which are good things, to a certain extent, right? Having mastery over our environment is a good thing. But too much control can lead to hellish outcomes. Especially when we have a tendency to set down camp where we see, little realising that we are in fact nomads through life to a certain extent, and that setting down camp to gain ourselves safety is probably the worst kind of unsafety.

I am struggling at the moment with areas of my life that I am trying to control and God is asking me to let go of them. I don't know how, because I don't even really know what those areas are called, and if I did I would imagine that I wouldn't be sharing them here with the entire universe because they are far too raw and fragile to even name above a whisper. And anyway, I can't hear what God is saying to me. Perhaps he is yelling. Perhaps he has been saying the same thing for years and I don't have ears to hear. Perhaps perhaps perhaps per fucking haps.

So there's nothing I can do but to bleat and wail and beat my chest and get really totally angry because I am really at my wit's end with certain things in my own life, with stuff I have been carrying around inside me for years, ideas and beliefs about myself that have come not from God or from myself. I would willingly lay it all down if I knew how, but I don't even know how to do that. But I do - in whatever form, I lay it all down, for whatever it's worth.

And to be really honest, it doesn't feel like it's worth much today.


  1. nothing to say Sue, except I'm still here and listening and caring.

    I had a conversation with a friend/co-worker today who was expressing similar things.

  2. Thanks, Kent. That helps because I must say I feel like a bit of a freak. I feel like everyone must be talking behind their hands about what a stupid fool that Sue is (totally irrational, huh? So thank you :)

  3. You are no stupid fool. I'm struck by how brave and honest you are. Thanks.

  4. I feel like everyone must be talking behind their hands about what a stupid fool that Sue is (totally irrational, huh?"

    I get the sense there is a work at hand that is going to set you free from feeling this way because once we are at rest in the love and affection of Father Son and Spirit you will live free from the tyranny of what others think. You are worthy of all the love and affection that Father Son and Spirit show you everyday (the love so often we can't feel, for what ever reason) and there is nothing you can do or say that changes that you are acceptable with them and with me and I am also sure that is true with the others that choose to visit you here on your blog.

  5. Gee, thanks, guys :)

    You know, Kent, I am much more comfortable with the reality of the affection and love of the Trinity than I am with other humans. Thanks for your lovely words. I hope you're right! :)

  6. I had to take a peek at your post today...I just hadda do it. I remember reading your description of yourself as "a rather foul-mouthed woman" one time and nearly laughed my head off. Reminds me of my best friend in high school. (I can't believe you dropped the f-bomb here. I could tell you stories about all the times I yelled at God back in the day when no one was listening...)You are a real seeker, Miss Sue. I know exactly what you mean about things being "too raw and fragile to even name above a whisper."

    Sometimes I think these issues are like big boulders in our spiritual ears that keep us from hearing God as we should. I spent most of last night listening to all the sounds in the "forest" of my soul for the distinct voice of God. I keep praying for Him to find His way past the boulders.

    Paul says that whoever is joined to the Lord is one spirit with Him. (I Cor. 15:45) If that's true, than we can ask Him for His Holy Spirit as a guide and comforter, knowing that God has promised us access. In time, I believe we will make it past our rocky insides.

  7. SS - well, if there's one thing I hang onto, it's that he can definitely find his/her way past the boulders and s/he is committed to doing that.

    I believe we will make it too, mate. I just reserve the right to unleash some of my long held rage onto God at appropriately safe moments :) (he don't mind)

  8. Hey. I'm whispering behind my hand...about the same kinds of things. Good God, I'm not the only one?

    I have been having a conversation with someone lately that has stretched my beliefs - or my ability to express them...and I'm thinking I must be insane. But then I come here and find that I'm not the only one who thinks she's insane. Yay.

  9. Yay! Come join the insanity train! Featured artists: Insane Clown Posse :)

    Heh! I hate hip hop. But I guess on the insanity train, you can't really be listening to music you like, can you? Although if you step this way, madam, into the next carriage, the music in there is Tom T Hall. PErhaps more to your liking?

    Ahh, don't mind me. I'm just insane :)

  10. Sometimes we just have to let it all out so we can see what's really going on between us and God. ;)


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