Sunday 21 September 2008

It's nice getting compliments. We all need feedback from time to time on how we are coming across to other people, don't we? You know how sometimes someone will say something thoughtful and it just makes your day? Or even if it's not so nice for you to hear - if you can accept it, that kind of feedback is priceless, because it always costs the person giving it to you - and honesty is sometimes like diamonds because people don't like to hurt each other's feelings.

I've had a few nice compliments recently. Nice things my dear cousin said to me, my ex-husband. My friend Michaela told me via email that she admires the way my brains works, which was kinda nice, you know? Sometimes I like to pretend to myself that I don't need anyone else's validation. Sometimes I think I am more of an island than I really am, crusty old dame that I am becoming :) The thing is, I can see the downside of being validated by other people. It can become an addiction, requiring constant affirmation by other people to make yourself feel worthwhile. And I'm not interested in playing that game. Indeed, tonight I came to the startling conclusion, whilst getting off the train to go to the footy, that another layer of caring about what other people think of me has been stripped away. I can't say how much of a freedom that is. I don't know how it happened. I never, ever really thought I would ever get free of it. But it is happening, ever so slowly. I think it is the desire of Love for that to happen for us. For us to be able to be ourselves even if that is something that is too big or too small or too whatever for other people. I simply don't care anymore if I don't slot into other people's paradigms or ideas of what I should be for them. Paradoxically, I feel more accommodating than I ever have before. I feel like I can put certain things of myself aside if it makes other people uncomfortable. It's just that it's on my terms when I do it, and it's not to gain anything from them. I don't need your validation anymore, peoples. It's a beautiful thang. I like getting it, but it's not gonna change my perceptions about myself.

Which is really good, you know, 'cause here is Tyler's take about me:

Five years ago, my only friends who were tatooed, pierced and were "naughty little potty mouths" were unsaved, and that was comfortable for me, taught me the "proper" line between "them and us."

My friend Sue changed that, and it was uncomfortable for me. But I needed Sue or I was never going to accept Kim.

Which is just about the most backhanded compliment I have received for a while :) But hey, at least I'm not Kim, right? :D

And I'm not tattooed or pierced. That's skanky people like Erin ;)

Only jokin', Tyler darling :) (and Erin :) I couldn't resist having a lend of you. This cracked me up when I read it. You know I loves ya :) I think it's really awesome how such disparate people can click, you know? Chatting with you and Kim is really an edifying thing for me because you're right - we are so different. And yet I feel the oneness when I talk with you guys. Gives me a kingdom taste. Makes me smile :) It's awesome :)


  1. I NEED to have a word with that Tyler!

    But seriously, four years ago the only tattooed and pierced and potty-mouthed people I knew were skanky unbelievers. Isn't it said somewhere that we become what we most fear? Well, it's true of me.

  2. Sue, I want a t-shirt that says VOTE FOR SUE
    and to me it's "Suzie" in the sky with just is

  3. I notice you didn't say anything about not being a naughty little potty mouth..... and if you did I'd be glad I live in Texas because that lightning bolt from God would probably destroy your entire country!

  4. Erin - well, I like the new and improved version :) (What I can see of it, which isn't much. Reminder to self: buy Skype headset)

    Manuela - away with ye and your ridiculous comments :)

    Tyler - Well, why the fuck would I bother stating the obvious? :D

  5. No need for validation here either. Drives people a bit loony, but it's where they choose to be driven.

    I hope there's still room for a goody two shoes like me. :)

  6. wow, chinese spam. Unfortunately it doesn't taste any better than american spam (or australian spam for that matter)

  7. Is it Chinese? It looks like Egyptian hieroglyphic spam from where I am :)


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