Reprise ~ Feels Good/Feels Bad

• Realising how easy it is for me to fall into unhealthy narcissism - feels bad
• Seeing my seedlings come up - feels good
• Reading so much in-depth information about psychological stuff that I have a headache - feels bad
• Sharing my wounds with friends - feels good
• The amount of years it takes to accept those wounds - feels bad
• Living in a timeframe that is completely out of touch with Western conceptions of timeframes - feels good
• Catching on (duh) to the idea that other people's conceptions of me are not reality - feels good
• Doing three "feels goods" in a row - feels good
• Feeling like it's messy because I have rejigged the "feels good/feels bad" order - feels anal
• That stupid stupid Snuggie (which is just a bathrobe-you-wear-backwards you morons) and its stupid, stupid ad has hit Australia with Australian voiceovers - feels bad
• The amount of energy I have these days - feels so good I just can't tell ya
• The thought of my friend who still has CFS - feels bad
• The prospect of living in a country where I am free to go off this afternoon to watch some footy and enjoy myself - feels good
• The shitload of dishes that are waiting for my return - feels bad
• The anticipation of playing Sinead O'Connor's Theology album when it arrives in my letterbox - feels good
• Music - its existence, and feeling like you could argue for the existence of God simply from that - feels good
• Not needing at all to argue for the existence of God - feels good
  
• Deleting the "feels good" I just wrote which was talking about a creative endeavour I am in the middle of because it is self-sabotage to talk about creative acts in the middle of them - feels good
• Being free to do creative acts - feels good
• The always-there possibility of self-sabotage - feels bad
• The understanding that the more I know myself and own myself, the less need there is for self-sabotage - feels good
• The hopeful fluttering in my heart right now as I write those words above - feels good
  
• Understanding how wide the freedom is and how it is possible for me to change - feels bad
• Being loved - feels good
• Being loved - feels bad
• Being honest - feels good
• Being vulnerable - feels bad
• Pondering the possibility of maybe I don't even really know what love is - feels bad
• Singing bad Foreigner songs - feels bad
• Wanting you to show me - feels bad
• Wanting you to show me - feels good
• Wishing for people the exact thing I don't have for myself - feels liberating
• My own private Idaho - feels good
• Being too deep and analytical - feels boring
• Being free to travel the threads so far that they lead to doubt - feels good
• The true and deep understanding that I am loved by God and do not need to do anything to 'prove' that or earn it - feels good
• Being free to sometimes doubt that I am loved by God, and sometimes occasionally to even ask myself, "Hey, maybe I'm just spinning myself a line and God doesn't really exist and believing in God is just some sort of paradigmatic quest to stop me from killing myself" - feels good, paradoxically
  
• Seeing colours and shapes and textures and people and animals and inside my own heart sometimes, and thinking, "There has to be a mind and a personality behind that. Look at it. It screams of God" - feels good