It's not even the end of winter yet but I wore sandals to work today. I wore a coral skirt and a pink top and pewter coloured sandals. Today was a day I had to wear pink. Typed 18,000 words over seven hours and then went and ate vegetables and rice at the Asian cafe round the corner for dinner. The bowl was a deep egg yolk yellow of a pleasing flattened oval shape. I sat at a table by myself with a headache and ate and read my book about a changeling. The small little child inside me thinks it is very grown-up to eat alone at a cafe. There is something satisfying about sitting alone at a table surrounded by duos and not feeling lonely. Some days I do not feel lonely at all; in the midst of people I do not know, I feel close to people who are far away from me.
People on the train tonight were talking about Jesus coming back. Last week I saw a woman reading a book she had bought from Koorong. I always look curiously at these people. It still feels strange to me to hear people talking about and reading about Jesus in a public place. I am always mildly surprised by it.
The days are lengthening. I dip and soar and dip. After I left the library on Monday with three delicious fiction books I felt happy. Not joy, the way I have felt even whilst feeling depressed in the past, but happy. Garden variety pre-1999 happy that comes from not moaning and groaning in a ditch of your own grief aghast at the depth of it, wondering how you will ever climb out.
There are footholds on the side of the grief. When you're in it's so slippery you think you will never climb out.
The front yard is overdue for mowing by about two months. I like it. I like knowing it would piss off my grandmother if she was here because there's such a thing as being too tidy. The grass is awash with yellow wildflowers. Such common things you can be forgiven for not thinking they are beautiful. They open themselves up and close themselves down when the sun dips. Like me, kind of. They are so charming there is a good reason to not mow the lawn. That and the fact that we do not have a lawnmower.
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I did that today too...While the kids were at school & Kinder I drove to Fitzroy and ate yummy sandwiches in a little retro italian bakery. It was lovely sitting with a book and watching the world go by!
ReplyDeleteThis post made me feel so good. Did anyone mention your colorful ensemble today? It sounds lovely. I know what you mean about eating alone, I do it often and it doesn't bother me at all. I actually prefer going to movies alone (most of the time). I cracked up at the comment about your grandma, same as my mom, she would flip it her lawn were not mowed nicely at all times. :)
ReplyDeleteour seasons are slightly crossing here. it was a pink and yellow day for me too!!
ReplyDeleteAndi - that sounds so lovely :) It gives me this nice comfy feeling somehow, knowing that you were doing that as well.
ReplyDeleteBarbara - no, no one mentioned my ensemble. I'm not sure if maybe it didn't clash to some people's eyes, but I enjoyed the riot :) Today I am wearing black and white and red, just for something different :)
I think going to the movies alone is the ultimate indulgence
Lucy - yes, I guess we are coming up to the equinox, aren't we, so it would make sense our seasons are beginnign their crossover and being all pink and yellow :)