Death Of 12 Schoolchildren Makes Perfect Sense

Sunday 20 September 2009

MYRTLE BEACH, SC—In a tragedy none have struggled to comprehend, a group of 12 schoolchildren on a whale-watching trip died in a perfectly logical manner Tuesday when their boat capsized one hour into its voyage. "How something like this could have happened—it's completely imaginable," said Coast Guard captain Don Broyard, addressing a group of reporters who were immediately able to make sense of the terrible disaster. "The way the unstable boat overturned, the powerlessness of the small children to fight against the current, the quick flooding of water into their lungs—the whole thing is so well within reason." Capt. Broyard added that the state coroner would be more than happy to give parents still uncertain of how the tragedy happened a detailed, step-by-step explanation of every fatal injury.


  1. Wow that's really not sad, especially in light of the poor headless children of Chapel street.

    These things are so unhorrifying.

    (Although to be honest I think it may be just a tad in poor taste for the Onion to make fun of kids dying. I much prefer it when they make fun of religious institutions.)

  2. Of course it's in poor taste. That what is so delicious about it :)

    I'm sick of making fun of religious institutions. It's just too easy a pot shot.


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