Selfishness and self-love, far from being identical, are actually opposites. The selfish person does not love himself too much but too little; in fact he hates himself. This lack of fondness and care for himself, which is only one expression of his lack of productiveness, leaves him empty and frustrated. He is necessarily unhappy and anxiously concerned to snatch from life the satisfactions which he blocks himself from attaining. He seems to care too much for himself, but actually he only makes an unsuccessful attempt to cover up and compensate for his failure to care for his real self. Freud holds that the selfish person is narcissistic, as if he had withdrwn his love from others and turned it towards his own person. It is true that selfish persons are incapable of loving others, but they are not capable of loving themselves either.
Erich Fromm, The Art of Loving
Wow. That's a classic book that I have not read in years. Great quote. Reminds me of many people I know. Makes me wonder about my own self love or lack of...
ReplyDeleteI hadn't heard of that book, looks really helpful. In a discussion I'm having elsewhere on the blogosphere, someone coined the phrase 'self-brutalising' for all those times we beat ourselves up because we're not perfect. I think it could apply here also.
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure I would agree with that but it is very interesting. I know there's no agreement on this issue but I tend to think of pride and arrogance as loving and thinking of yourself more highly than you ought to.
ReplyDeleteBarbara - it's a really cool book. I've had it there and been meaning to read it for ages, and am impressed by its wisdom.
ReplyDeleteTess - It was written in the 50s but still well worth a read. Self-brutalising - yeah, and wow, don't we know how to do that.
Cole - I get where you're coming from, but I tend to see pride and arrogance as faux love, not the real thing. If you love yourself enough, you do not need to grasp for anything. That's my take on it, anyway :)
I side withose psychologists who say otherwise. It's been my experience that when I'm like that I'm thinking too highly of myself. I'm not "all that" like God is. I see God as being perfect and He loves and thinks of Himself as such. He doesn't think too highly of Himself. His loving and thinking of Himself is in direct proportion to who He is - The most glorious of all Beings.
ReplyDeletewow, revealing quote...makes sense
ReplyDelete:)
Cole - Well, diff'rent strokes :) I actually think that if God does love him/herself then it follows that we should as well. It's not so much thinking more highly of yourself than you ought, as it is valuing yourself as something precious. At least, that's been my experience but I know everyone is seeing things differently, different sides of the prism, as it were :)
ReplyDeleteManu - yeah :)
Yeah, the way I see it is that there are ways I'm to be like God and ways I'm not. I can't be like God in every way. When I try to be like God in everyway it leads to pride and arrogance. He alone is God. I see a Creator creature distinction. Only God is self-sufficient. He's not egotistical for loving Himself more than anything. He's not thinking of Himself more highly than He ought to. He loves His own image more than anything which is first and foremost His humility.
ReplyDelete