The Yin and the Yang

Thursday 15 September 2011

I really do understand why it is we project our own hurts out onto the world.  As we think the world is, so it is, and while we may be thinking that we see the world objectively, is there ever really any such thing?  And does there need to be?

I have been roping in my projections over the past several years.  My problems lie, unfortunately, with males.  I don't want to and can't bring myself to speak in such a public place about my family's history, but suffice to say that the males are alpha and the females have most certainly learnt to be omega.

Perhaps that's why I read this post and tears ran down my face.  I cannot always readily recognise what I carry around within myself.  It is easier to see it when I project it out onto the world around me.  My partner is the one who most obviously receives the brunt of my projections.  I talk to him about these projections.  It is rather a delight to do once you get past the intense discomfort and outright embrassment and foolishness you feel, disclosing to someone else the sad state of your innards, disclosing the embarrassment of not being able to get past The Cast of Thousands enough to dispel some of them.

Perhaps the dispelling comes not in stopping of the ongoing projection, but in the refusal to let it stay there.  To speak of such projections to the person you are projecting them onto, who listens patiently and lets it be there, just lets it be, is perhaps the best way of all to dispel those projections.  It is certainly not the fastest way, however.

I have learnt to fear and mistrust male energy.  Like that post, male energy can be used for good or for ill.  I have taken on the ill effects, drunk them down, and archetyped them out into giant Goodyear blimps that have blocked the sun.

I wish to know what that male energy is in its pure form.  It is, after all, a part of myself.  It has laid hidden underneath the negative energy I have carried around for 30 years and more, which distorts, stops, hampers, criticises, abuses.  Which demeans the female energies, makes them cower, drains their light.

If my dreams are anything to go by, it does not need to be like this.  How to get somewhere better is another story.  An ongoing one.  A life's journey.  To do it with self-compassion is the far better way.  Helps you keep your heart open.  As within, so without.


  1. Self-compassion...yeah I need more of that. 

    I love your insights into much of what you say is appropriate for all kinds of trauma and hurt. I have felt, experienced that same draining of the light you speak of, just in a different context than you least I think...mostly. I think male dominance has wounded us women in so many ways we don't even yet realize. I'm working on recovering some of my own validity and voice in the face of that. 

  2. that falstaff blog caught my attention too - was it a pilgrim's moon link?
    although my brain is a bit bye-bye at the moment, due to severe anaemia and the subsequent lack of oxygen, i read a few of his posts and it was like "wow"

    resonating muchly with what you share here and Erin has commented

    Of course, the sentence of yours which caught my attention was: If my dreams are anything to go by, it does not need to be like this. Visual journalling is a great way to amplify dreams ;-)

  3. Ahh, I'm sorry to hear you're feeling anaemic lately.  That is an awful feeling, and I haven't even experienced it in a severe state.  

    May you have much restness.

    Yes, the Falstaff blog was linked to by one of the peeps from Pilgrim's Moon.  I have sort of fallen in love with it.  Always a sucker for the worldview that includes and comforts our suffering.  It allows us to move out of it.

    Haha, good to see even with anaemia you continue flying the flag for visual journalling :)  You really are right.  Drawing and writing out your dreams - such rich compost to work from, eh :)  I have an A3-sized visual journal, which is great in terms of wanting to live large on the page, as you talked about recently.  But sometimes I think when you're feeling a little low on creative energy, an A4-sized would be a cosier space to work from.  Do you do visual journalling in different sizes?

  4. Well, may you overflow with self-compassion.  It's a hard road to travel there, isn't it.  You come across all sorts of ghoulies along the way that tell you that no, no, no, this is self-indulgence, and you're a bitch and blah blah blah.

    I beg to differ :)

    There's something lovely and poetic about the term you use - draining of the light.  I've been thinking a lot over the past few years about the natural rhythms that come with life, where the light dies down to the ground only to be rekindled again.  Just as it does in the earth.  But what you speak of is a different sort of a draining, isn't it.  A vampyrric sort of a draining instead of a natural rhythm.  It's so hard to reclaim that stuff.  Takes years, eek.

    I stand behind you recovering validity and voice :)  I am doing the same.  The interwebs is a good platform to be able to discuss this stuff, isn't it.  It's bloody hard work.  Sometimes it feels completely and utterly overwhelming and pointless.  But then it never stays feeling like that :)

  5. a worldview which includes and comforts our suffering
    what a great observation, it's something we all need for everyone suffers something

    re visual journals, for newbies i generally recommend an A4 one, cos they're easy to find at reasonable price, plus it offers enough room to move but is not too scary a size to think one has to fill - why we think we have to fill the page is another issue altogether ;-)

    personally I have a plain A4 visual journal supplemented with altered-books of various sizes

  6. You said it first...."Which demeans the female energies, makes them cower, drains their light." and I just adopted it because it was a very apt analogy.

    I am doing well in this healing arena...but I do have my days when I'm just angry and want to hurt someone....usually someone male. :)

  7. Duh, so I do.  I missed that part when I reread what I wrote :p

    Ahhh, anger.  Such a hard emotion to learn how to handle well.  I think I am just starting to do so now, at age 40 :)


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