Feeling Empty

Friday 4 November 2011

It's too easy to rush to fill them up.  Those empty holes are a terror.  But these days, though, you don't even need to rush to fill them - just wait for the next minute, turn on the closest device to your hand, and let the waves of media, the tweets, the status updates, the newsfeeds wash over you with their urgent panic.  Stuff some baked goods into the hole, go fuck yourself stupid, drink a kilo of forgetfulness or suck it into your lungs.

There are more ways to fill the holes than there are holes to fill.

Feeling empty is not such a bad thing.  Not really.  It is, however,  almost unbearably uncomfortable.  Excruciating.  Especially when you are an inheritor of our bizarre and insane Western mindset.  Look at all that life out there out your window, that weirdness that operates at a frequency not designed for you.  That's the result of our mindset.

The nine-foot-high sculpture Wild Man by Ron Mueck,
lives at McClelland Sculpture Park in Langwarrin, Victoria.
You know, feeling empty is sometimes considered a good thing.  It's when you think there's nothing to fill it up with that it becomes a hell.  Or that the emptiness is ... empty.

Sometimes I suspect that the terrifying emptiness is the most fullest thing there is.  And that's why it's so terrifying.

Walking around feeling empty with your hands open is the most exquisite kind of vulnerability there is.  You will feel like your heart is being ripped open out of your ribcage and that you will disintegrate into a pile of shavings on the floor.

And then so often you find that the audacity of your open-handedness has been rewarded by the immortals and suddenly, against all of your unbelief, like a flood, suddenly again you are filled.


19 comments

  1. I love what you say, Sue. It's being emptied of the imagined, fearful, striving, defensive idea of who I am - which is no more than a thought -  only to be instantly filled with the wordless wonder of all that is, beyond all thought. And this isn't anything we actually do, 'cos when it spontaneously arises there's no 'me' there for it to happen to. Freedom:)

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  2. "Walking around feeling empty with your hands open is the most exquisite kind of vulnerability there is..."

    Yes! Absolutely - perfectly true, and perfectly put... "Blessed are the poor in spirit..."

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  3. Well put, Mr Harry :)

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  4. But it h-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-r-t-s, Mike!!  :)

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  5. Yes. It hurts like hell....but it is the healing kind of pain. And contrary to what our logic and even experience might scream at us...it is worth it. {{{HUG}}} This is a beautiful post.

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  6. You're right, it is worth it, definitely.  Thanks, KG!  :)

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  7. something deep stirring here Sue
    primal, just like the wild man who seems to be looking us straight in the eye
     

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  8. Yeah, Kel.  It's nice to feel empty so that you can feel filled again.  Painful, but that is par for the course, unfortunately.  

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  9. this huge naked man was on my screen when my boss came up to talk to me.  That's all I have to say.

    (you are wonderful, Sue)

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  10. Haha, sorry 'bout that, Barbara.  Did your boss say anything?  :D

    You're a bit of an alright yourself, luv.

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  11. LOL! I had the same problem at home...everyone wanted to know why there was a naked man on the screen. I blamed it on my weird friend in Melbourne. :)

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  12. Sure!  That's cool with me :)  Blame everything on me ... I won't know about it :)

    And wow, you should have experienced actually standing in front of this dude.  He is nine foot high, and it was the most strangest feeling ever.  On the one hand, this giant enormous man - scary.  On the other, he's totally terrified and vulnerable - in giant nine foot high form.  I love this guy's work.  It's very fun the way he experiments with different sizes and stuff.  One called "In Bed" (I think) which is a giant woman.  Standing next to her, it was like I went back in time to being a child, and realised how bloody enormous those humans are when you're a little kid :)

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  13. Interesting. I didn't realize that about the size. He looks so realistic, I thought he was just life-sized. 

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  14. No, those people in the back of the photo are not too far away from him at all, so you can get an idea from them.  

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  15. So wasn't it weird standing in this room staring at a giant naked man with strangers?

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  16. It was like so totally intimate that part of me wanted to run screaming from the room.  If you do a search for "Ron Mueck" you can see some of his other stuff.  All confronting in some way.  But great!  :)

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  17. Ooh I just saw the giant lady in bed.

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  18. And the giant baby is pretty amazing, too :)  But that lady, it really did bring back to me so I could feel right in my body how enormous everything was as a child.  It's as though I had forgotten how it felt.  I recommend a visit if his stuff is anywhere up your neck of the woodses :)

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  19. I'll have to keep an eye out, if for no other reason than to be confronted by giant naked people. :)

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