Some days

Some days, you have to give yourself permission over and over. It takes a while to sink in :)


I gave myself permission to go outside and sit on the grass and do centering prayer (was nice).

I give myself permission to sit on the couch all afternoon and do collages and write.

I give myself permission to watch two hours of TV this evening (ABC and SBS of course - the only stations that feed me in any way. Tonight's fare includes a show called Creative Disorders, this evening dealing with a man who had a career as a pianist which was cut short by Tourette's Syndrome, followed by Compass, one of my faves, which tonight is screening a doco filmed by a young woman documenting her 16 year old sister's visit to volunteer at Mother Theresa's in Calcutta. Maybe not mindless entertainment, but I'd prefer this version anyway :)

I give myself permission to do shit creative stuff. I was tempted to take those collage pics down this morning. They are meaningful to me but they're not, like, the calibre of Lucy's ones or anything ;) But I give myself permission to do crap collages, just like I give myself permission to write crap stories. I give myself permission to not have the faintest clue about the essay I am thinking of writing, and I give myself permission to have fun exploring that instead of thinking that it is my intellect that determines the shape of a piece.

And maybe, hopefully, sometime soon I will give myself permission to do crap drawings. But not yet.

Some days, you just crawl forward an inch on your hands and knees.