Some days

Sunday 10 February 2008

Some days, you have to give yourself permission over and over. It takes a while to sink in :)


I gave myself permission to go outside and sit on the grass and do centering prayer (was nice).

I give myself permission to sit on the couch all afternoon and do collages and write.

I give myself permission to watch two hours of TV this evening (ABC and SBS of course - the only stations that feed me in any way. Tonight's fare includes a show called Creative Disorders, this evening dealing with a man who had a career as a pianist which was cut short by Tourette's Syndrome, followed by Compass, one of my faves, which tonight is screening a doco filmed by a young woman documenting her 16 year old sister's visit to volunteer at Mother Theresa's in Calcutta. Maybe not mindless entertainment, but I'd prefer this version anyway :)

I give myself permission to do shit creative stuff. I was tempted to take those collage pics down this morning. They are meaningful to me but they're not, like, the calibre of Lucy's ones or anything ;) But I give myself permission to do crap collages, just like I give myself permission to write crap stories. I give myself permission to not have the faintest clue about the essay I am thinking of writing, and I give myself permission to have fun exploring that instead of thinking that it is my intellect that determines the shape of a piece.

And maybe, hopefully, sometime soon I will give myself permission to do crap drawings. But not yet.

Some days, you just crawl forward an inch on your hands and knees.

2 comments

  1. keep giving yourself permission, my dear.
    and your collages are not crap!!! please don't take them down...especially the one dedicated to me :-)

    i also have to work really hard to give myself permission to believe that mine aren't crap either!! but i just keep putting them out there and somehow, some way they seem touch some others :-) as do yours!!!

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  2. Aw, thanks, Lucy. They just feel so beginnerish, you know? I feel like a creative beginner so often. Maybe that never changes. Maybe it's good if it doesn't ...

    Your collages are SO not crap. I love them :)

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