I wonder why ...

Sunday, 12 October 2008

... so many people on my blogroll are posting pictures of themselves lately? So many have put a pic of themselves on their profile, or have posted pics of themselves within their posts. It's really cool to actually be able to "see" each other, you know? But it's just interesting to me that so many people are doing it at once. I wonder why that is?

It's interesting to see all of this extra openness when lately I am going through bouts of struggling with this blog. I feel so vulnerable on here. My natural state is openness, but when I head into these nasty headspaces (here's one I prepared earlier), some days I am tempted to just delete the whole thing out of existence, in some kind of mad scientist, crazy woman that'll-show-them self-punishment thing.

But don't worry, dear reader. I won't delete it. Because what would you all do without me, right?

Seriously, any praying people please pray for me. I seem to have been sucked into a black hole lately. I know the reasons why, but I also don't know the reasons why, and I am struggling to cope with it all. Part B of all of that bitterness stuff of a few months ago, methinks, but I feel like a fucked-up ugly fat cow loser hag freak* so much at times that it is way too easy to lose sight of God. And I don't like doing that, 'cause he is quite the luvverly great spirit being thing god dude thing.

So much for not sharing any of my personal negative stuff. It lasted 24 hours.

* Please don't insert any ego-boosting "you're not so bad" "don't be so hard on yourself" comments in the comments section. If you do, I shall be inclined to not be honest next time I want to write about feeling like a fucked-up ugly fat cow loser hag freak, because I won't want to have to read through the ego-boosting "you're not so bad" "don't be so hard on yourself" comments in the comments section. Ta very much :)


  1. I don't want to go against your wishes in the last paragraph, but just to say...we're all fucked up in our own right. I wouldn't have it any other way. If I knew anyone who wasn't fucked up, I'd be inclined to fuck something up for them so they couldn't be self righteous about it.

    Lurve you, Suzy-Q. Knowing you has advanced my freedom to be myself a great deal. So, thanks.

  2. Sue, I don't know you. You look like a very pretty lady in your pic's and you sound like you got the rotten end of a banana in the relationship.

    But one thing thing I can say with100%, no 200% or more if its possible. Our heavenly Papa is madly in love with you. So, bugger all the earthly morons for the time being and enjoy His love.

    Still praying......... Don't stop writing, it good for you and for us men to hear the truth about REAL relationships.

  3. Sue, like Erin said... we're all fucked up in one way or another. Those who don't admit it are the ones who are dangerous. As to posting pics, I am still in the headspace of being afraid to let you all see what I really look like...


  4. Praying here, Sue. Likely to continue to do so for some time...

    Blessings on you, girl!


  5. Praying, too, sue. Just pray for me as well. Not in a good space today, either. Don't really know why. I am worrying that I am slipping back into darkness and I don't want to go there. It is just not me.
    And my self image makes yours look like Audrey Hepburn. So there.

  6. all I can offer is colouring and junk food. Im going to get the kids looked after, and you and me are going to lie in a field somewhere, I swear! I love you xxx

  7. all i wanted to say was lovely picture...

  8. It is a pretty, pretty picture of you dear Suzie.

    Praying for you, but knowing it's just foggy and dark sometimes in these cacoons. Go lay in that feild and make sure you have bare feet...I'll be singing with mine. :)

  9. Feeling better in the cool light of an autumnal day here. Hope you are feeling more at peace today, sue, too.
    I, too, like your picture. Lovely image of a thoughtful woman.

  10. Thanks guys, you're all sweet. I'm feeling a bit better. I think I'm just back in the furnace again, you know? God is stomping around inside. Which is okay, 'cause it always looks better once he's finished.

    Yeah, Andi, let's lie in the field. It sounds good :) Shame my liver won't allow me to drink anymore :)

  11. Blessings upon you, Sue.  As you can see from these comments, you're not alone. Check this out:

  12. Bless ya, Brad.  Thank you for that poem - fantastic.  Praise the mutlated world indeed.  There's something in that.  I've sort of lost the ability at the moment but it will return like the light.


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