Monday, 10 November 2008

Charcoal pencil, 4B pencil, metallic copper paint.

Just been to the art supplies shop :) What do I do when I borrow money off my friend? I go and spend 30 bucks at Westart :)

Why, when these things make my mouth water and always have, has it taken so long for me to begin playing with them? It makes me sad in some ways, you know? Sad that I have allowed the loudest voices, the ones that caused the most hurt, to silence me in this way. But hands silenced do not need to stay that way, as dangerous and as vulnerablefying it is to begin to move them, to dance with them, to say what I want to say, words that are mine, swimming inside forever, waiting to be birthed via a medium other than language.

It feels like some kind of wonderful, to begin to speak in this way, however falteringly. I look at my table, and there is something I have shaped with my own hands, and it is rough as guts and I love it. I have a mask hanging on my wall that I have shaped with my own hands, and it is rough as guts and I love it. I love to allow myself to make bad art. Does anyone understand, really, what a grace it is to be able to make bad art?

(Not of course that I think those pieces are bad. On the contrary, I think the technique requires much work, but I think the concepts are totally shit hot. Even if I do say so myself ;)

I do blather on about messing around with bits of paper and paint and clay a lot. It just feels so amazing to be doing this at all, you know? It is something I am still coming to terms with, after supressing myself for 25 years. Twenty five years! A big fat opinionated loudmouth, too scared to draw and to paint. But now. Now, this is for me, entirely for me. Not to prove myself to anybody else, none of those irritating reasons that so often drive us. Not for the sole reason but that I desire to do it. That's enough. Sometimes it's even more than enough. I am rich. Do you understand?


  1. sounds yummy to me too
    the charcoal and metallic paint catch my attention
    watcha' gonna do with them?

  2. I don't know what I'm going to do with them. I just had to have them :)

  3. oh, you bet i understand! big time!!

    "But hands silenced do not need to stay that way!" Amen.

  4. When does bad art turn into good art?

  5. Lucy - yay :) I love sharing this journey with you, even if it is just a flat surfaced online one. It is great to think of others out there making art, scary as it is. I love the internet for that :)

    Monk - in general or personally? I guess for me, personally, when I look at these things that are magically coming from my own hands, because I'm such a baby at all of this stuff, it is bad simply because it looks like a four-year old has made it. So it's a bit of an ego thing, I guess (but not just that. There is a purer thought there too).

    But in general? Hmm. Maybe technique plays a part simply when it's not something that is a distraction? Not of course that I want perfection in art because that makes it bad in another way. Maybe it's something to do with pure intention, with feel, with the feeling that you have touched on something that is authentic. But then, that can happen through something that is badly perfected, also. I guess ultimately good art is something that is able to speak, and that others are able to hear or read or see or whatever? What do you think?

  6. that was a very insightful question urbanmonk asked

  7. It was, wasn't it. What do you think, Kel?

  8. I understand. For me, it is music. Fucked-up mess between my mom and me for forty years. My therapist says it is time to seperate my music and my mother. She is right, because I sure as hell have neveer been able to seperate the music from me. So I have asked Papa for a new guitar...

    I am so glad you are letting what is in you by the hand of God to find expression. Enjoy, Love you, sis. {{hug}}

  9. Oooh, really, KG? That's really interesting!! Papa, Papa, Papa, send her a new guitar. Oh, Lord, won't you buy her, a new gee-tar?

    Have you ever come across The Artist's Way, KG? It's good stuff

  10. hmm, "when does bad art turn into good art"
    i agree with you sue, that good art is art that speaks to the viewer
    in fact, perhaps it truly is all in the eye of the beholder


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