Speaking too soon

Thursday, 18 December 2008

So I've done it again. I have realised recently how often it is that I speak too quickly about what is going on inside, that I am seeing. Another wall to rebuild. I have done it again with all of this empath stuff. It's like you start solidifying things when you talk about them, and it's necessary for me to keep it all fluid while I try and work out what the hell it translates to for me (especially considering reading up on this stuff is disorientating my head as it is, seeing a lot of what is spoken seems to be coming from a New Age psychic sort of position, which I'm not all that enamoured with, to be honest, so I'm trying to draw out the strands).

I am trying to fit this in with what I know to be true in my own experience. I know the boundaries are way too thin between me and other people. I am now looking at how that extends out spiritually also, something I have not really considered before. It has taken me a long time to realise that I literally take on other people's pain. In the past year, on several different occasions, I have entered in with prayer and tears into what I can "see" is someone else's pain, to embrace it with them, even though we are not in the same room. It felt terribly holy to me. I understand the phrase "enter into His sufferings" in a new way lately. I understand why I retreat so often from the world because I haven't yet learned how to switch it off when I need to.

So yeah. Anyone else suffer from this problem of blurting your half-formed stuff out way before you're ready? It's a disconcerting habit to have, that's for sure.

My head is aching.


  1. Yup, I do it alot.
    One of the reasons I don't blog much anymore...half-formed thoughts and conclusions I find are a bit embarassing. Though, as I write that, I am feeling the nigglings of my love of control...

    I am finding that post about the empath thing rather interesting, and I've bookmarked the site, Book of Storms. I'm gonna read through the material, cause there was some interesting tidbits in it.
    I like alot of the new age stuff, though I look at it with alot of cynism. To me, it's alot like the church...looking for truth in it is a lesson in discernment.

    As for entering into others' pain...yup. It's been amazing, and it's been terrible. I think I am very careful when I allow myself to take it on...

  2. Oh yes. I used to live my life in a perpetual state of empathic misery. I still empathize and find I need to be guarded about the tendency to get bogged down.

    Good for you for allowing yourself some definition within your own boundaries.

    Without identity within our own space we cannot contribute to any sort of collective. That's why my ideas about nationalism are changing. I love the cultural diversity found around the world, but there is such an artificial push to unify everyone we're losing the unique flavors of the world. (Not nationalism in the sense of pride, but being OK with belonging to a unique culture without apologizing for it.)

    I'm thinking it's OK to be an individual and take the flack that comes with defining our borders. God's Spirit is the only thing that knows no boundaries and that Spirit chooses to put him/her self into our borders and spill out from there.

    I wonder if we would ever know the difference between us and the Spirit if we didn't know where we began or ended?

  3. One of the reasons I didn't score higher is because I don't practice tarot and marked that one 'disagree'. There's a balance with all of it and I know a certain amount of it doesn't fit in the typical Christian paradigm. But I trust and am unafraid to explore until I'm told to stop.

    It was weird...this summer when Ché and I went to the underground, there were definitely clear things I felt, but I wasn't sure if it was off the history or off the other people there...but it's had me thinking ever since. But I also struggle to keep it out of the paranormal etc etc...because I simply don't belong there. A lot of pagan or new age stuff is just more religion...which is what I don't want.

    I'm way way too controlled on my blog...which is why when I ran that "what personality type is your blog" thing, it tested totally different than I really am.

    Somehow, Sue, I think talking to you would be just like reading your blog. Which is why I love Ché too...I want to be like you guys when I grow up...when I'm able to really be this person that I've hidden so deep.

  4. Growth in the spirit tends to make our edges more porous, I think. We become more sensitive to the others' pain. It can get a bit messy, though.
    In my tradition, we speak of the communion of saints (and we are all saints, in the NT sense of the word). At a certain level, we are all connected and there is a network of support we can call upon. One big, sloppy family! That empathy surge may be part and parcel of that network.

  5. I used to do this all the time until I learned to WRITE in my personal journal to get a 'handle' on what was running around inside me and gradually sort things out BEFORE making anything public. I was known for putting my foot in my mouth often and it wasn't pretty or fun. I feel for ya ... then again I learned some valuable lessons quickly that might have taken eons.
    Hugs and blessings,

  6. Che - we have a lot in common, don't we :) I read a bit of that Book of Storms site but some of the stuff he was saying sounded a bit weird and wobbly to me. I dunno - I'm not thinking about all that empath stuff much today. It does my head in too much (although saying that, I have begun doing the exercises here: http://www.eliselebeau.com/day1.php which are kinda cool. I love doing visualisations, now I have overcome my fear that the fearmongers were right and doing such right-brain things equals entering naked into orgiastic rituals with the demonic ;)

    Jennifer - "Without identity within our own space we cannot contribute to any sort of collective" Yes, absolutely. And I agree totally about the horrid homegnisation that takes all the good within groups and makes us all look the boring same, with nothing really to hang ourselves on. It's creepy. I really like so much of what you say here, which is why I am sad that you are closing down your blogs, but I understand even though I am sad :(

    Erin - yes, that question was kinda annoying wasn't it. I am the same. Yes, I suppose my blog is pretty much what I am like. I have just been really aware, in a conscious way, since I was 17 or 18 years old that I HAD to walk in who I was or else I would be in big danger. Whatever other moronities there are about my personality, I am grateful that I was able to tap into that inherent wisdom back then or else I would have seriously been toast, I reckon. But this is where I think women have been so disserviced by the Church. LIke I said the other day, we are taught to not trust our own intuitions and deep knowings. But they are still there, buried in all of us. Powerful things.

    Barbara - yes, I think the empathy surge is part of that, definitely :) One big sloppy family. Indeed, LOL :)

    ST - you know, I haven't journalled properly for years. I do write three pages of freehand every morning but sometimes the unformed still finds its way through. It's VERY annoying! I wish I could get myself back to journalling again. But yes, you're right. I guess the silver lining of vomiting our stuff forth before we're ready to is what you said, that we get to learn stuff fast. But steep learning curves done in public - yuk! :)


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