time-past freezes into time-present
But not in a nice way. Not in a Live In The Moment kind of way but a
kind of way where you're walking along in the moment in 2013 and then
you fall into a ditch from 1982
and you feel the terror wash over you again.
It's a terror whose depths have taken you years to realise.
And no one but you knows that you're not in 2013 anymore Dorothy.
And you become repulsive
and you feel completely alone and
upset because no one comes to help but
no one knows you're not here and
no one ever did come to help in this particular way because
no one knew you were in the vat and
when it comes to this sort of thing
no one can help except you.
Now, the problem with that is that
whenever you fall into the vat from 1982
or 1977 or 1975
what comes with you is exactly not what you need
But there's nothing else here that is easily seen.
Nothing else but the terror and that voice
The one that says stuff about you that in daylight hours
you do not believe. Stuff about how you're the shittest piece of shit that
ever did live and how completely pathetic you are and seriously
you wouldn't talk to a moldy sock like that.
Or your worst enemy.
Your task, should you choose to accept it
is to find the good voice in that space
the real one not the shit one that is itself shit but says it's you who are shit.
And you do accept that task and
you take it on and
some days are better than others and
others are really just shot to the shit.